So, last night, I went to church. As you might already know from reading My Personal Testimony and Announcement, I struggle a lot to find the courage to go to church due to previous humiliation. Lately, I’ve had the courage to go a few times since the incident. However, I’ve still found excuses to skip another day. Yesterday, I felt God speaking to me, telling me that I needed to go to church. I got there, and my fear was suddenly overcome, and I all of my worries were erased. I saw Caleb, and I simply looked like him like a fellow church member. I ran to my friends and had lots of fun during worship. Perhaps, too much. We began pushing each other around and laughing loudly and causing a lot of corruption. Knowing me, I’m not usually like this.
A girl, probably somewhere in her 20s, told my friends and I four times to be quiet. I felt awful, and I could feel God asking me to stop, but I wanted to satisfy my friends, so I kept talking.
However, throughout the service, I could feel the burden bringing me down. And, don’t get me wrong, I still listened to most of what the pastor was saying. I found myself in tears, but I tried to hide it from embarrassment.
Then, the pastor asked those of us who were willing to come up beside to stage and bow down and worship. Now, this is one of the reasons I go to this church. The agony you feel, but also joy just to worship takes so much courage, but it brings you so much closer to God.
I wanted to go up to the altar and worship so badly, but none of my friends did. So, I sat quietly for about 10 seconds, but God pushed me up off my feet and brought me to the altar. I was sweating, terrified. I didn’t know what was to come next. I closed my eyes and burst into tears from both fear and guilt and love. I bent my knees and bent down before him. I told God everything I felt necessary, and I just apologized for everything. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but to me, it was so powerful.
That’s not all! At the end of the service, my friends still didn’t come down to worship. They continued fooling around on the chairs. I was humiliated, but the same girl before who had asked me and my friends to be quiet came to me and told me that she saw me in pain, humiliation, in love. She could sense the unease withing me after the health problems my dad has faced this year. She told me words that I could not believe she was capable of understanding. Now, let me remind you that I don’t know her, but God told her what I was going through, so she came to me. The power God has to do such miracles is so amazing! Her simple words of comfort made such a difference!
Also, the courage God must have given her just to say that to me! What if she had been wrong? I admire the courage it must have taken to say that to me. I know that I don’t have that kind of courage…yet!
This story also brings me back to when I was at Christian Camp over the summer. A lady came to me, again, that I didn’t know, and prayed for me. She wasn’t just brief, she went into full detail about my life, and I didn’t even know her! God is so fascinating! Now, that, is proof that God is alive and helping us! He loves you!